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AUi 10 1909 



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THE BIG STICK AND THE GOLF STICK 

a AID the great '^BIG STICK" as he stood in 
the hall 
Thickly covered \A/ith dust, and so sad withal, 
"To prove will I try, in this monologue; 
''That the puddle should limit the size of frog; 
"\A/hen one's too big for the other/' quoth he, 
'Tar better he leave both puddle and me. 
"Time was when I rul'd o'er this big, round world, 
"And that was the time when 'HIS NIBS' unfurl'd 
" A standard that flaunted this strange device : 
"'POLICIES— MY POLICIES,' at any price. 

['Twas 



NOTE. — No attempt is here made to relate either in proper order or many in number of the 
extraordinary events that happened when the " BIG STICK " was King. Suffice it that " The 
King is dead — long live the King " (of good fellows). 




^/^ I ^\A/AS 1 bore forth the words he wrote, 
I "I forced them down the people's 

throat ; 
'''Twas I vs/ho polled the largest vote; 
'"T\A/as 1 that blew the warning note 
"That hushed the world — whilst from his throat 
''Issued the word 'DEE-LIGHTED/'' 

[The 




THE ''BIG STICK'' paused and gasp'd for 
breath. 
Showed his teeth, said, " Not till death 
"Hath closed my eyes and shut my mouth 
" ril cease these insults to the South, 
"Let negroes with all white folks dine, 
"Tm social law — 1 am DI-VINE/' 

[The 




THE "BIG STICK'' straightened up with pride. 
Swelled his chest, then ofF to ride. 
He rode more miles in one short day 
(To him it was but childish play) 
Than all the grizzled chiefs of war 

\A/ho thought it such a beastly bore 

[That 




THAT "Monkeys'' of them should be made. 
For war, not nonsense, they were paid. 
Fearing that they'd be back-number'd. 
Struggled on tho' much encumbered 
With rolls of fat that shook as jelly; 
Like "Santa Claus/' they'd too much belly. 

[The 







THE "BIG STICK" laughed, his heart was 
glad 
With the thoughts of the good old times he'd had 
When he bullied and pounded ''STANDARD OIL/' 
A product that grew on American soil. 
He fined them twenty-nine million cold, 
A fool of a thing — but the ''STICK" had been told 
That he couldn't do wrong — no more can a king. 
So he crowned himself one — what a \A/onderful thing; 
Then he said to the world, "I'm 'DEE-LIGHTED.'" 

[He 




HE a\A/oke to the fact kings do no wrong, 
And started a club, which didn t take long; 
An archery club where they draw the long bow. 
All members are Liars — the club rooms below. 
Many new ones each day it adds to the roll. 
They number a million, they do, 'pon m' soul; 
To be truly consistent and nary bit bias. 
They christened the club after old Ananias. 

[Once 




mm 





ONCE out for a walk, just a skip thro' infinity, 
'Twas the caper he thought to thump once 
at divinity ; 
Loudly calling for him who makes faces and bust. 
Said he "Off with it, quickly, that ' In God we trust/ " 
Then rose up the People through all this broad land. 
They roared and they threaten'd and took such a stand 
That the pelf wanted greatly by him that doth lust 
Again bears the motto, that "IN GOD WE TRUST/' 

[Ive 



^^ ""VE heard," said the "BIG STICK," "they say 






I 'BUTT IN/ 
"That I travel on ice altogether too thin, 
"It's no one's affair, as long as I win. 

1 made the Kusse and the Japs quit their fight; 

"Is there aught that 1 do that isn't all right? 

"All mothers I've told, and others, just how 

"NA/ives should have child each year as does cow; 

" I've shown unto \A/all Street how railroads should 

run, 

" I'm jolly well heel'd, for 1 carry a gun 

'' To pot in the back all Spaniards who run. 

[Hard 



ARD have I tried a cannon to pocket. 



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"Crafty, it went overhead like a rocket, 
''Whistling — 'Oh, Lord! Who — who will pre^ 

serve us 
"After we've lost the whole Secret Service/ 
" r ve hunted on desert — down in canebrake, 
"High in the mountains, for naught but the sake 
"To slay the dumb beasts that do little harm, 
"Tribute they pay to my death-dealing arm. 

[The 



THE press loudly hailed me a hellofa fellow, 
"Till a man \A/ith a fork discovered the 
yellow; 
''Some thought 1 showed streak as long as an acre, 
''\A/hen Miar' I branded the blind nature fakir; 
''And from his mouth I took bread and butter, 
" Because with his lips he dared to utter 
"He'd knoNA/n and seen things Fd never heard of, 
" Nothing Fve skipped on earth or above/' 

[King 



TZ"ING ''BIG STICK'' mumbrd and grumbl'd 
i j this way. 

In a quaint monologue from day unto day. 

Till it happened as happen it surely must 

To those who make habit of busting TRUST, 

For scientists tell, how the octopus 

\A/ith its arms and tentacles SNA^allows us. 

It made little impress'n on the ** BIG STICK,'' 

Futile its efforts, his skin was too thick. 

But one day there strolled, down thro' the hall, 

A big, fat fellow, and jolly withal, 

[And 





'"^'7^ ND under his arm in a brown leathern bag 
J_ \. Was a bundle of sticks, that little lik'd brag. 
These he lustily toss'd in the corner where stood 
The windy old '' STICK '' that was nothing but wood; 
They bump'd and thump' d him so hard on the head 
That the knotty old "KINC fell over as dead. 
Not often dies King from big head and pride. 
As talking he liv'd, so talking he died. 



'T 



KING ''BIG STICK'' mortuan loquiter : 

^ ^ - ^ IS pity, 'tis sad, that I must die, 
" I that am so nobly fashion d, 
" Knotted and gnarled by gentle nature, 
"And aye so fiercely that e'en the wicked tremble 
"Lest I beat them to a Frazzle. 
"And so I die in all this ignominy 
"Of misspent life. But ere I go 
" Let all the world hear my last word, 
"And know — that I kno\A/ — they are well 

"DEE- LIGHTED." 




A SATIRICAL POLITICAL POEM ENTITLED 



Sir Cbarlie Mubibrae 



BEING A TKUTHFUL HISTORY OF POLITICAL 
EVENTS IN THE KACE-TKACK WAK OF 1908 

By HAKKY KOY SWENY 



Secont) lEbition 



SMALL QUARTO, STIFF PAPER COVERS, HAND-MADE 
PAPER, UNCUT. ALBANY, N. Y., 1909 

PRICE 50 CENTS 



Commendatory :6j:tract6 trom public lpre66 anD IPrivate Xettcrs 



Epic and Epictetus. 

There is a new voice in Albany. Another 
epic poet in the regions south of State street, 
which are little known to the mere inhabit' 
ants of the Capital city. From this obscurity 
a new Homer has shot forth his epic note. 
Having to hymn some one, moreover, he 
has selected the Governor to crown with 
his garland of verse. It is true that with 
unusual modesty our new poet has chosen to 
take refuge in parody and attempted to stifle 
native originality by arbitrary announcement. 
But although he calls his epic " Sir Charlie 
Hudibras," and although he makes brief 
reference to " the late Samuel Butler," we 
find imitation ends at the cover and 
originality begins with the opening line. 
— New York Sun editorial, April 2 1 . 



Clever Satirical Poem Has Appeared. 

Satirizes Governor Hughes and Others 

on the Race Track and Direct Nomi' 

nations Fights in a Parody on 

Butler's " Hudibras." 

A satirical political poem, entitled " Sir 
Charlie Hudibras," a parody on the "Hudi' 
bras " of Samuel Butler, written in the 
seventeenth century, and one of the classics, 
generally attributed to Harry R. Sweny of 
this city, has just made its appearance and 
has attracted much attention. It satirizes 
Governor Hughes, Colonel Treadwell, and 
the Governor's secretary, Mr. Fuller, with 
the race track and direct nominations fights 
as the principal themes. — Evening Jour- 
nal, April 21. 



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